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  • Jefferson D'Arcy

The Tiers Of Jeffersonism (And How To Calculate Your JQ)

Updated: Jun 24, 2021

Greetings my fellow Jeffersonians,


I’m sure you’re all beside yourself wondering exactly what a top-performing house husband like me does to keep his partner happy and highly functioning, and thus, himself maintained in a life of leisure.


I can hear your lecherous thoughts already….


Surely, Jefferson D’Arcy must be so sculpted and handsome, libidinous and virile that he is basically just a consort for an actual successful person...I bet he has to do all sorts of weird sex stuff too!


Firstly, no no no no: I’m only in average shape and am (conceitedly) of only slightly more than average appearance. Secondly, the weird sex stuff is strictly voluntary.


Now that I’ve so thoroughly thrashed your misconceptions, I will happily explain my relationship contributions (as well as how you can evaluate yours) via:


The Tiers Of Jeffersonism:


Tier 1 Jefferson (You Got The Basics: 1 Point Each):

  • Taking out the trash

  • Washing the dishes

  • Them floors clean

  • Laundry

  • Making that bed

  • Groceries

  • Dinner is ready

  • Lunch packed for the next day

  • Cleans extra stuff when asked

  • Great sex

  • Runs errands

Note: As a man of leisure, a Jefferson will typically never prepare breakfast or coffee for his partner because he sleeps until he is done being tired as a rule. Should a Jefferson happen to be an unnaturally early riser, he should score preparation of such morning provisions as a single Tier 4 Jefferson attribute.


Tier 2 Jefferson (Get Yo Ass Some Culture: 2 Points Each):

  • Scintillating conversation and sense of humor

  • Up on current and historical events, politics

  • Hones an artistic ability

  • Plans adventures

  • Interesting side projects

  • Shared athletic hobbies

  • If you can dance that goes here but I can’t dance so nuts to that. I can play the guitar a bit and sing like a fucking angel so like, get off me about the dancing maybe

Tier 3 Jefferson (Bringing That Heat: 3 Points Each):

  • Takin’ care of (most random administrative household) business

  • Car looks good

  • Damn, your bathroom is always so clean

  • Bi-weekly deeper cleaning

  • Gourmet cooking skills

  • Expert fridge inventory management


Tier 4 Jefferson (Final Form Achieved: 4 Points Each):

  • Understands and manages finance, investments and retirement planning

  • Cannot procreate

  • Speaks another language

  • Sings like a fucking angel (i.e. has honed an artistic or technical skill to an admirable level)

  • So goddamn stylish and charming

  • Fuckin sends it (i.e. excellent at shared athletic hobbies)

  • Doesn’t waste money on stupid shit

  • Donates money and/or time


As you can see from the above, it is possible to achieve a basic form of Jeffersonhood with barely more commitment than simply taking care of yourself and your space, running errands and doing some cooking. However, if the best you can output is merely a Tier One Jefferson, you will likely wake up one day to find yourself replaced by a superior house-husband as your successful partner climbs the professional ladder and raises expectations for their Jefferson accordingly.


A Tier Two Jefferson makes a compelling case for plateauing. After all, the house is (more or less) always in order and you are now a man of sophistication and culture; there is no denying that you are a valuable companion to your partner. Nevertheless, such a Jefferson still exposes themselves to the possibility of resentment or replacement: why should your successful partner settle for only basic household services when they are likely burning the candle at both ends regularly?


If you’ve progressed to Tier Three, well done, old chap! You have successfully achieved a state of completely Sustainable Jeffersonism. You should not fear replacement nor failure to meet any reasonable expectation of your partner. An unambitious house-husband could proudly ride this tier out into the sunset, well satisfied in the knowledge that they fulfilled their purpose by making the lives of their partner and themselves tangibly better.


And yet...a Jefferson functioning so highly must eventually realize that the commitment to his relationship duties in fact fills enough hours that it is dangerously close to actually being a job itself: and therein lies the key to unlock the evolution to the Tier Four Final Form which accomplishes two main goals:

  1. Gets the career-successful partner retired early: when that partner retires, in a sense, so does the Jefferson, as household duties are now shared.

  2. Cultivates capabilities and community that will deeply fulfill their post-Jefferson retirement life as well as make life more rewarding immediately.


The sublime truth of the Tier Four Jefferson is that we are leveraging our enviable position in life and significant spare time to achieve levels of happiness for ourselves and our partners beyond simply surviving the rat race and retiring in luxury. We are contributing as much to the future as we are to the present.


Of course, progress is not always linear and it is clearly possible to possess a variety of attributes across the tiers, thus creating a hybrid-Jefferson that could rank absolutely anywhere within the above system.


Fear not, my mystified friend, for this is a simple matter of calculating your JQ (Jefferson Quotient) by adding up your attribute scores as described in the tiers above and comparing your score to the equivalency chart below:


***BUT FIRST TWO IMPORTANT CAVEATS***

1. Tier One attributes are basically non-negotiable. If you are regularly missing any more than a SINGLE Tier One attribute, it is likely that you fail to qualify within the Tiers Of Jeffersonism, regardless of your overall score. For my conclusive judgment of whether or not your hybrid-Jefferson profile qualifies within the tiers, please leave a comment or contact me directly at jefferson@jeffersondarcy.com


2. If you possess noteworthy attributes not listed in the above tiers, or should your specific attribute be so superior that you believe I have undervalued it: bravo, good sir! Please leave a comment or contact me directly at jefferson@jeffersondarcy.com for my definitive scoring of your particular relationship contribution or skill.


Minimum JQ Score Required For Tier Equivalency:

Tier One: 11 JQ

Tier Two: 25 JQ

Tier Three: 42 JQ

Tier Four: 75 JQ


And with that, my dear aspiring Jeffersons, wherever you may rank within or without the tiers, I wish you well on your journey to Sustainable Jeffersonism and beyond!


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